I know I say socionics is bs, but I'm on break and I'm really bored.
Tell me about yourself.
I reinvent myself ever so often, but it’s more my image that i reinvent. Recently I have become a little more comfortable in myself and more confident. But I’m still quiet until something is really interesting. And I am terrified of public speaking and being the center of attention in that way. After I lost touch with my best friend at 12, who moved away, and starting a new school where I knew no one, I became deeply depressed and I couldn’t find anyone that I had a connection with. Now that I think about it I was probably closing myself off to the people I could’ve had that with. I was so insecure, she was really strange(and my first soc last friend) just like me and I never found that before. I live in a small town and went to a school from grade 0-6 with about 20 kids in my grade. I started thinking everyone disliked me and was stuck in that thought until the past year or so. Now.. I cant wait to finally graduate and move away for the first time and live on my own. I was never allowed to be ME when growing up, my family was always on my ass and criticizing my behaviour, my humour, my style, my friends. My mom would not give me positive attention sometimes when I expected it and it confused me and made me feel bad about myself. All of these things made me really insecure and I had major issues with indecision from a very early age. I still have them, though not as bad.
Im a weird mix of secretive/private and honest/blunt.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I study music right now. I have always loved music and how it made me feel, to lose myself in music. I imagine being in another place and being another person.
I started playing guitar, my first instrument, at 10 years of age after my sister had started doing it. One year later I wanted something ”of my own” so i started taking piano lessons. When Im interested in something and want to do something I get really motivated and all my focus goes to that thing. So when I finally started taking piano lessons I practiced ALOT at home, because i thought it was so fun. So while I was learning 5-note songs in class I had already learned to play turkish march, river flows in you, etc at home haha.
After the summer I want to study acting. Again I like losing myself in fantasies whether its music or acting like someone completely different with a completely different life, I think its really interesting and a break from my reality, which is really just my thoughts. I love drama, especially sad drama. I have wanted to be in musicals but I dont think my voice can make it into musicals.
I love music but I dont love the music I make and I dont have a strong voice or am not expert in any instrument, so I gave up on that dream. Plus it depresses me how terrible todays music is and I dont think my kind of music would go anywhere. Thats actually one reason I dont want to have kids. I wouldn’t want to be born now when technology rules the world and everything is crap, makes for a sad life. In the 70s/60s I would have considered children.
I could never do something non-creative for long term unless it was contributing to achieving my dreams somehow, like saving up money to do a project or education that I’m passionate about.
What are your values, and why?
I value sensitivity, realness, expression, empathy, chemistry, openness, contemplative people, humour…
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
Think and think and THINK. I overthink so much I exhaust and depress myself. Besides that I do what i enjoy. Play music, listen to music, photograph, read, talk to people I love. I (will) make my interests and passions into my job because why would I spend the rest of my life doing something I hate and drains me?
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
What I have disliked about friends: not willing to do new things, too anxious and scared, too strong morals, not open about sex, too private, not consistent, shallow
What I have liked about friends: twisted and funny humour, chemistry, taking me with them to stuff, emotionally supporting me, keeping secrets, honesty
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
Chemistry. People who I can be myself with and have the same sense of humor and are not afraid of the dark side. >=D I want them to like to have fun, like partying, and be open to things/experiences. I do fine without friends though. If I dont feel chemistry with someone I’m not going to force it.
For partners chemistry and passion is the most important thing. Im usually attracted to men who doesn’t wear their heart on their sleeve, and are protective of their feelings. I see it like a challenge to loosen the belt around their heart, and when I succeed they are mine forever. :D Not really, but it makes me feel really special when they’re willing to be vulnerable with me and only me. I want to get under their skin and I like damaged people.
I’m an all or nothing person. Either I’m obsessed with you or I’m not feeling it. I can move too fast, even if Im not verbally moving fast it's obvious in my presence that I'm vomiting all of me, over you, if that makes sense haha. So i try to avoid my crushes.
If I can tell you like me and you dont take initiative in any kind of way it turns me off, I want to deal with a confident person who is not afraid to be turned down.
I like when people get jealous and possessive/protective of me. :content:
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
The only conflicts I have consistently is with my family who doesn’t get me at all. I used to think it might get better because when youre a teen everyone is embarrassed of their parents and ”hate” them. But this hasn’t passed, growing up has just made me realised how fucked up they are and if I would’ve grown up without parents I would’ve probably been better off tbh. I have learned to accept my dad more. I used to despise him because he was always just there and didn’t do anything, or teached me anything. He is not a father figure like other dads. This is still true but he has better intentions and is more understanding than my mom who is manipulative and critical of everyone and everything. Talking to my mom is like talking to a brick wall. She is always right no matter what and cant be argued with. If i start to yell at her she will walk out and ignore me, lol. She isn’t smart either.
How would your friends describe you?
I have two friends. One that know me well and the other one knows me *kind of*. The first one described me as ”storm-tossed sadness looking for land”. It’s beautiful and accurate but I didn’t like how sad that made me sound. I do have my happy moments, sometimes. :). The other one would describe me as insecure, quiet, empathetic, sensitive but honest, and also probably dark and mysterious.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
That I know what I want, that I’m honest, sensitive and empathetic and creative, spiritual. Im very contemplative but sometimes I hate that because i see too much and it’s overwhelming.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
That I have a hard time taking ahold of things Im not passionate about and even when I am I can be kind of ”i’ll do it later”. I need to be in the right mood. I have low energy. I think too much. I am too self-absorbed and can be distrustful. That I see negativity in everything.
I’ve heard a few times from my parents that I ”need to take ahold of my life”, and that hurt me because it was when I was in a very depressed state of mind, and of course they didn’t understand it at all. I was trying my best to just survive.
Stopped here because I’m tired and no one is going to want to read that much anyway.
Tell me about yourself.
I reinvent myself ever so often, but it’s more my image that i reinvent. Recently I have become a little more comfortable in myself and more confident. But I’m still quiet until something is really interesting. And I am terrified of public speaking and being the center of attention in that way. After I lost touch with my best friend at 12, who moved away, and starting a new school where I knew no one, I became deeply depressed and I couldn’t find anyone that I had a connection with. Now that I think about it I was probably closing myself off to the people I could’ve had that with. I was so insecure, she was really strange(and my first soc last friend) just like me and I never found that before. I live in a small town and went to a school from grade 0-6 with about 20 kids in my grade. I started thinking everyone disliked me and was stuck in that thought until the past year or so. Now.. I cant wait to finally graduate and move away for the first time and live on my own. I was never allowed to be ME when growing up, my family was always on my ass and criticizing my behaviour, my humour, my style, my friends. My mom would not give me positive attention sometimes when I expected it and it confused me and made me feel bad about myself. All of these things made me really insecure and I had major issues with indecision from a very early age. I still have them, though not as bad.
Im a weird mix of secretive/private and honest/blunt.
What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I study music right now. I have always loved music and how it made me feel, to lose myself in music. I imagine being in another place and being another person.
I started playing guitar, my first instrument, at 10 years of age after my sister had started doing it. One year later I wanted something ”of my own” so i started taking piano lessons. When Im interested in something and want to do something I get really motivated and all my focus goes to that thing. So when I finally started taking piano lessons I practiced ALOT at home, because i thought it was so fun. So while I was learning 5-note songs in class I had already learned to play turkish march, river flows in you, etc at home haha.
After the summer I want to study acting. Again I like losing myself in fantasies whether its music or acting like someone completely different with a completely different life, I think its really interesting and a break from my reality, which is really just my thoughts. I love drama, especially sad drama. I have wanted to be in musicals but I dont think my voice can make it into musicals.
I love music but I dont love the music I make and I dont have a strong voice or am not expert in any instrument, so I gave up on that dream. Plus it depresses me how terrible todays music is and I dont think my kind of music would go anywhere. Thats actually one reason I dont want to have kids. I wouldn’t want to be born now when technology rules the world and everything is crap, makes for a sad life. In the 70s/60s I would have considered children.
I could never do something non-creative for long term unless it was contributing to achieving my dreams somehow, like saving up money to do a project or education that I’m passionate about.
What are your values, and why?
I value sensitivity, realness, expression, empathy, chemistry, openness, contemplative people, humour…
What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
Think and think and THINK. I overthink so much I exhaust and depress myself. Besides that I do what i enjoy. Play music, listen to music, photograph, read, talk to people I love. I (will) make my interests and passions into my job because why would I spend the rest of my life doing something I hate and drains me?
Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
What I have disliked about friends: not willing to do new things, too anxious and scared, too strong morals, not open about sex, too private, not consistent, shallow
What I have liked about friends: twisted and funny humour, chemistry, taking me with them to stuff, emotionally supporting me, keeping secrets, honesty
What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
Chemistry. People who I can be myself with and have the same sense of humor and are not afraid of the dark side. >=D I want them to like to have fun, like partying, and be open to things/experiences. I do fine without friends though. If I dont feel chemistry with someone I’m not going to force it.
For partners chemistry and passion is the most important thing. Im usually attracted to men who doesn’t wear their heart on their sleeve, and are protective of their feelings. I see it like a challenge to loosen the belt around their heart, and when I succeed they are mine forever. :D Not really, but it makes me feel really special when they’re willing to be vulnerable with me and only me. I want to get under their skin and I like damaged people.
I’m an all or nothing person. Either I’m obsessed with you or I’m not feeling it. I can move too fast, even if Im not verbally moving fast it's obvious in my presence that I'm vomiting all of me, over you, if that makes sense haha. So i try to avoid my crushes.
If I can tell you like me and you dont take initiative in any kind of way it turns me off, I want to deal with a confident person who is not afraid to be turned down.
I like when people get jealous and possessive/protective of me. :content:
What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
The only conflicts I have consistently is with my family who doesn’t get me at all. I used to think it might get better because when youre a teen everyone is embarrassed of their parents and ”hate” them. But this hasn’t passed, growing up has just made me realised how fucked up they are and if I would’ve grown up without parents I would’ve probably been better off tbh. I have learned to accept my dad more. I used to despise him because he was always just there and didn’t do anything, or teached me anything. He is not a father figure like other dads. This is still true but he has better intentions and is more understanding than my mom who is manipulative and critical of everyone and everything. Talking to my mom is like talking to a brick wall. She is always right no matter what and cant be argued with. If i start to yell at her she will walk out and ignore me, lol. She isn’t smart either.
How would your friends describe you?
I have two friends. One that know me well and the other one knows me *kind of*. The first one described me as ”storm-tossed sadness looking for land”. It’s beautiful and accurate but I didn’t like how sad that made me sound. I do have my happy moments, sometimes. :). The other one would describe me as insecure, quiet, empathetic, sensitive but honest, and also probably dark and mysterious.
What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
That I know what I want, that I’m honest, sensitive and empathetic and creative, spiritual. Im very contemplative but sometimes I hate that because i see too much and it’s overwhelming.
What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
That I have a hard time taking ahold of things Im not passionate about and even when I am I can be kind of ”i’ll do it later”. I need to be in the right mood. I have low energy. I think too much. I am too self-absorbed and can be distrustful. That I see negativity in everything.
I’ve heard a few times from my parents that I ”need to take ahold of my life”, and that hurt me because it was when I was in a very depressed state of mind, and of course they didn’t understand it at all. I was trying my best to just survive.
Stopped here because I’m tired and no one is going to want to read that much anyway.