Type the noob

Tell me about yourself.
18 years old girl from Italy. I've been struggling for a bit in finding out my type. MBTI speaking, I'm fairly confident I use Ti/Fe and Si/Ne (I have tested and been typed IxTP consistently for years (even if I could just be a weird ISFJ), but I'm starting to believe I may have been just trying to convince others and myself that I'm a certain type. Damn Forer effect).
I think I could be a 6w5 3w4 9w1 so/sp, but I’m not sure. I keep on doubting my conclusions about my own typing.
When it comes to Socionics, I have no idea. I usually test as a LII but I don't think I'm one. A lot of things seem off with the temperament, I'm not phlegmatic, I'm not balanced nor stable.
Disclaimer: I'm not a native speaker. Lots of mistakes ahead.

What do you study or do for a living? How did you come to do that? What do you like or dislike about it?
I'm a chemistry student. I've had lots of problems in choosing my own path. Every few months I'd come with different subjects I wanted to study, so I learned a lot as a self-taught.
I started with being a humanities student but dropped out during senior year and enrolled to a STEM school. What I disliked the most about humanities was the fact that the subjects didn't make sense to me and memory was preferred over reasoning. I also disliked how emotional the environment was. I've been told that I appeared cold and "skeptical" of people. I've never been prone to showing love in conventional ways (hugging, kissing, starting small talk) while I was requested to do so, I just couldn't. I've always been the "I just want to do my own thing, so let's not bother eachother" kind of person, while there it wasn't accepted. I hated being constantly reminded that if I stayed home (and I did a lot for some health issues) that wasn't "respectful of others and the teachers".
So I decided to risk it all and went to a STEM school with just a few months to prepare my last exam. I loved the subjects I studied (above all, I liked chemistry, physics and philosophy) because they made sense. Everything came down to a series of deductions and the fact that nobody basically cared about my behaviour (I've never been aggressive or truly disrespectful, it's just that some rules/social convention made no sense to me). If I stayed home, people would just make an innocent joke and don't care. Generally, the environment was less emotional demanding, to the point of being mean sometimes.

What are your values, and why?
This one is actually a hard question for me. I don't think about it very much. I'd say that I value knowledge, cleverness and kindness.

What else do you do on a daily basis? What are your interests and hobbies? Why do you do them?
I used to have a lot of interests. I loved to learn about new things. I'd get the idea, the image of me doing something and I felt like I really had to pursue it. Due to some health issues I'm usually very tired, so I just don't have the energy to do that anymore. I still try, though.
Apart from that, very standard ones: videogames, surfing the internet, overthinking about unnecessary things.

Describe your relations with family and friends. What do you like and dislike about them?
The relationship with my family has never been one of the best, as my parents are very conservative ones concerned in such things as "family values" and plain respect. I believe that you should respect somebody if they deserve it, not just because you share the same blood. And again, I hate hearing them randomly criticizing people over things I consider silly (i.e.: "it's not right to live together without being married. X is such a bad person for doing that. Oh, you are another bad person if you don't think like me. And unrespectful. I've never even dared to disprove something my parents told me.") I believe that if someone does something that doesn't directly hurt me, they have to right to do so. That's what freedom should be.
I like how I've been spurred to follow my interests. I've always loved learning about new things and they allowed me to do that, buying books or educational toys. I remember my father explaining how circuits worked when I was 8, I believe.
I'm a bit clingy in my relationships as I have a lot of fears going on below the surface. I tend to keep most superficial because of that, even if I'd really like to go deeper it is really hard. I'm not a convertionalist, I often feel out of words, and, as I said before, I'm not able to express love in the conventional ways. I just prefer to "be there" and listen to show that I care.

What do you look for in friends? In romantic relationships?
To me, a romantic relationship is the evolution of a friendship, so I look for the same things in both. I generally look for someone kind and able to, emotionally speaking, lead me. They have to be a lot more proactive than me, as I'm more responsive than engaging. I'm a bit needy, I need to be constantly reminded that they care.

What conflicts have you encountered recently with other people? Why did they happen? Which kinds seem to happen on a regular basis?
I tend to avoid conflicts as much as I can, so, looking from the outside, there aren't many. There are a few ideological ones with my family, as I said, but almost never open conflict.
A kind of conflict I've encountered has been when I overthought about someone not caring, got paranoid, told them, and quarrelled over my impressions.

How would your friends describe you?
Clingy, oversensitive, nerdy, not particularly stupid. They’d also say that I can get either quiet or noisy depending on the period. But I’m generally low-energy, so after a while I get back to being quiet.
I’ve always been kind of the psychologist of the group, listening to others and trying to help them. I actually find it hard to full empathisize, so I prefer to offer an analysis of the situation, possible causes and effects, and possible solutions.

What do people generally see as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
The said “psychologist” attitude. Being highly inquisitive about the subjects I like. Being impartial in conflict situations.

What are your weaknesses? What criticism do you often face from others? What do you dislike about yourself?
I’ve been told that I’m oversensitive and that I brag a little too much about my abilities.
Recently, I’ve started to take too much in consideration external feedback –I used to not and dismiss others as just stupid-
I’ve also had problems in existing in the present moment, I have sort of a feeling of disconnection at times.

In what areas of life can you manage well on your own? In what areas of your life would you like help?
Everything related to the academical world, managing my own savings (even if I can be a little a cheapskate at times).
Something I really need and want to work on is my relational skills. Doing what I do, keeping everything on a superficial level and just do my own thing seems not socially acceptable. When I was younger I just believed I didn’t understand social rituals, now I prefer to study how I should or shouldn’t behave by observing the others and see how society reacts to their behaviour.

What things do you find to be a chore? What things do you enjoy more than others?
Chore: routine. I can’t stand having my own life scheduled. I just like to do things when I want, without being stressed by the time.
Enjoyable things: solitary activities.

What goals, aspirations, or plans do you have for the future? How did you come to have them?
Getting my Master’s in chemistry. Then I don’t really know. A part of me wouldn’t like to stop studying, as there are a lot of subjects I’d like to read more into (philosphy, psychology, I.T., astronomy, foreign languages). I really enjoy subjects that allow me to understand how things work. Or some slightly weirder things, like a dog trainer course. I keep on getting new ideas about things I could learn and I’d like to try them all sometime, when my routine won’t prevent me from doing it.
Living by myself in another city. Maybe a big one where I don’t know anybody and with a lot of services. I’ve always looked forward to changes and new starts, and I desired them every few years. I enjoy living in my mind, picturing and planning the beautiful things that could be awaiting for me.

If you had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life without working, what would you do with your time?
Oh, god. Without being forced to work I’d probably become a hermit. I’m going to give a very stereotypical introverted teen answer: playing videogames, watching films, reading books, studying things that I like.

What traits do you find endearing that others might dislike? What traits are considered positive/neutral by others but tend to annoy you?
There is a sort of bubbly cleverness that I noticed is highly disliked by my peers and that I really love.
Also, I dislike harshness but it seems like it’s socially acceptable and even requested.

What kinds of things do you do to manage and/or beautify your environment (your room, your house, etc.)? What do you think of daily chores?
I don’t. My own environment has to be more useful than visually appealing.
I use to avoid my chores, pile up the consequences and then to everything at once later. I know it’s needed, but I try to do as less as I can –I know I could spend my own time in a better way.

How do you behave around strangers?
Extremely, really, extremely formal. My posture and body language get really rigid. I politely greet, and act a little awkwardy.

How do you react to conflict? What do you do if somebody insults or attacks you?
I swallow the offence and back down. I can even end up supporting the other side in peace sake. I don’t like it and I’m not psychologically able to manage it.

What is one common misconception that people have? Explain why it is wrong.
That people have to stick to ideals or the definition of good and bad. I see them as relative, so it’s impossible and a waste of time to follow them. It can also prevent from seeing things how they really are.

What did you do last Friday?
I got home, wore a pijama, laid on my bed, watched some videos, played videogames, went to sleep at 3am.

What is something you regret?
Some failures. Not being really able to change myself even if I wanted and tried to.

What's been on your mind? Has anything been worrying or concerning you? What problems have you encountered lately?
The fact that often I can’t understand how things really are or work. I experience a lot of self doubt about by own conclusions. I keep on seeing ways they can possibly be wrong.

What are your religious or spiritual beliefs and why do you hold them?
I'm an atheist. I believe that the concept of God has been created by the humankind. In particular, if we know that the gods of the ancient peoples were made up, we have no right to say that the christian god is the true one. Every religion is assuming that they are right and everybody else is wrong. By looking at every perspective, you notice that this makes no sense. Christian philosophers even try to demonstrate it by assuming that the conclusion is the premise and use a clunky reasoning. By contrary, there are tons of logical explainations for his non existence.
Admitting that there is/are a/various god/s, I don’t think that he’s such thing as a benevolent, misericordious god described by modern religions, because there’s no logical explaination, nothing that would imply a cause->effect situation.

Would you ever be interested in starting a business? Why or why not? What role would you play in it? What kind of business would it be?
I don’t think I could be able of being a leader or a CEO. I wouldn’t like to step on anybody and I just don’t feel like I could. I’d probably prefer to be a normal worker. Just give me a task and I’ll do it by myself without anybody’s help.
I used to think I’d have been something like a computer technician. I’ve always liked to fix things, understanding what’s wrong and what I could possibly do.

What kind of work environment do you prefer? What do you look for in a job?
A quiet (I just can’t work in noisy environments), not particualrly emotionally demanding, peaceful environment. I prefer to work with things and concepts more than people. I don’t really care about the retribuition, I just have to find it pleasant enough. Probably I wouldn’t like a purely manual job, I’d feel in cage.

What is or was your favorite school subject and why?
It has changed many times also depending on the teacher and whether if they were unprepared or not. I loved chemistry and philosophy in particular. As I said before, I like subjects that allow me to understand how something works.

How do you approach responsibility? What do you tend to expect of others?
I do the minimum required and I expect the others to do at least that, too. I used to be annoyed when they didn’t when I was younger.

Where did you go on your most recent vacation? What did you do there? How did you like it and why?
I actually hate to go away for vacation. I prefer to stay home. To me, there’s nothing I could possible do there that I can’t do home.

What were you like as a kid? How have you changed since you were a child?
Sometimes I feel like we were entirely different persons. I was more talkative, even if I already needed a lot of alone time. In middle school, I’ve become a little Hermione Granger. Slightly bossy, hated when kids didn’t know something or acted like douches. Luckily, this ended quickly as I realised that it wasn’t socially acceptable and that I could have behaved in other, kinder ways.

Do you like kids? Why or why not?
“meh”. Noisy, annoying small things.

If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I come from a really demanding and strict family, so I’d try to avoid being like that. I’d concentrate on growing a clever, kind child more than trying to teach him values by heart. (S)he has to be allowed to reason on them, maybe guided by others, but to come to his/her own conclusions. I’d try to avoid as much as I can growing up a douche or a bully. I’ve been there when I was younger, and I wished that those parents weren’t so much irresponsibles.
I’d also be very concerned in growing them clever and knowledgeable.

Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I often do. The main reason is routine. I can’t stand having my life scheduled and giving so much time in things I don’t think are relevant.
Also, this happens after I am in one of those “I want to start from scratch” moments. I often feel like all my efforts to change and be an entirely different person didn’t lead to anything.

How do you see other people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I can be a bit cynical when I have to see society as a whole. I tend to see a bunch of idiots with no clue about anything who just care about having a good time and get laid. Of course when I analyse this kind of thought I realize by myself how stupid and pointless it is. You can’t criticize so hard society as a whole as it’s made of too many, entirely different, elements.

What do you do if you're not getting what you want? What approach do you use?
I find a way to geti t by myself. I get stubborn and start to work on ita s hard as I can.

How often do you get angry? What kinds of things make you angry?
I’m actually easily annoyed, but I easily swallow it up. I almost never show it. But it’s usually at mistakes (either mine or others’). I just don’t like them and I know that they can almost always be avoided by paying a little attention.

What is the purpose of life? What do you find personally meaningful in life?
I believe that life has no purpose. It’s something made up by ourselves. We’re just a bunch of atoms that came to be “alive” here and in this moment.

How do you dress or manage your appearance?
I do what I can to be socially acceptable, but I prefer to be as much cosy and practical as I can.