Member Questionnaire (Ayuhime)

It depends? It depends to who you are asking this under what kind of circumstances, but I suppose for me, beauty is... something pure? Something warm. When I look at something- be it a picture or person, something often visual- if it makes me feel warm and mushy or I simply can't take my eyes off, then this is beauty. At least, physical beauty. There are tons of different ways things are beautiful, as cheesy as it sounds, some stories and songs are beautiful in their own way. Sometimes it is a line in a story, a line so fitting and summarizes whole character and situation they are in, often end of a story with everyone lives happily ever after and they are most likely chilling in livingroom and talking about everything they went through with a light humor and fondness- To me, beauty and love are pretty connected and they both give a vibe of tenderness. Though, love is also taking care of that said person. Paying attention to their emotional well being (as well as physical?) and trying your best to be there for them, seeing them as a true equal to yourself and wishing best for them even if one day you become someone not "good" in their life. Love is something universal but personal and beautiful in it is own way- And I mean any kind of love by that. Mostly between friends in those instances, though.

I think fairness takes the cake. If I am crossing someone's rights, then even I should be called out on my bullshit so I realize/have no chance but to stop as it is hard to rationalize that for a long time. Also, development. Learning to accepting other people's views even if they are different from yours- (this was something I had to learn hard way). Also, honesty. I might hate losing an arguement, but this still doesn't make being a liar or twisting words to save face correct. I sometimes call myself on it before I can lie through my teeth since I can't fool anyone if there is no mask left to hide behind after throwing it away in front of someone else. Mercy is pretty big on list as well? And being able to change yourself/accept change as time goes on (I still have struggle with this...)

I don't have any specific belief, really. I was raised in a Muslim-centric society but ever since I was a child, it was silly to me. I mean, if I was just acting like I believed while I didn't, if God was such an all powerful being, who would I be deceiving but myself? I also used to view other people who hold tight to their beliefs as "idiots", yet finally came to realize that I simply take my emotional support from different places- From fictional characters. So, I am not laying any claim on any religion being the "true one" nor calling true or false on existance of an all-powerful being, I simply go with Agnostic.

Ideally, I would prefer a "borderless utopian world" so I really dislike war and militaries, yet I am also aware of how unrealistic such a thing would be as long as humans had survival instincts as greed comes from fear of having little, I believe. So, as long as we are still humans, there are always going to be countries and wars and militaries. And power to me, well... It depends, actually. I see power more as educational-military combination. When you have properly educated scientists and their aid on a decent military, I would view this as power for country-wise. You would have to specify what I think of power is as other than physical or mental "power", I tend to not considerate other possibilities? Also, emotional resilience too, perhaps.

A lot of different things? They often boil down to society constructs, philosophy, psychology, talking about characters related to psychology, general function/typing stuff, whatever series or character I am obsessed with at the time if I find someone who is willing to talk about it or listen, list goes on. And well... I think one of my main interests ever since childhood was realizing how people described different things with same words or same thing with different words- different points of view as well as language and its' limited usage always fascinated me. Because, it is a tool everyone uses but there is always some difference when anyone uses a word, yet most people seem ignorant to this factor and this is pretty much how most arguments broke out- Growing with an ISTP Mother and ESFJ Father, I kind of grew up with being used to seeing different approaches to situation and world in general. So this is a topic I can talk for hours too- semantics is the core base topic I always keep returning to. And well. I get bored easily so I need something new to learn/try/improve as I kind of like being a jack of all trades.

Not really. I listen those kind of stuff or talk about it as much as I NEED to. Though, I might listen it if there is some new found information about biology or something like that- I like new info. Just not into health really. And when I /do/ pay attention, it is really easy to get paranoid over if I have X or Y or Z and maybe T-- this happens with mental health though. With physical health, meh. And I can tune out my body really so not often.

Would prefer to not have any and I am really glad that I am going to be at family house until I graduate since it means hella less chore.

I like a lot of things, though it seems like mostly tragedy series or some sort of weird/meta/deconstruction/reconstraction of a trope thrown in it. Ie Madoka Magica (anime series but still.), Antichamber (video game but I really liked it), Adam Fawer- Improbable, Interstellar was pretty cool too. As again anime series, School-Live! counts. I rarely watch movies other than some local comedy ones, and occasionally something supernatural-ish (Dr.Strange was one of the recent examples to that) and I used to read lots of detective/crime novels but kind of grew bored of them... Stanley Parable-esque games are lovely as well. I also love Vocaloid series as well, The Night Series and Nazotoki/Nazokake takes the cake.

Lots of things? From a cover of a song which is about connecting over singing sang by different people from differnt countries with their pictures shown due to happiness/sentimental value of it all, to any emotionally impactful scene in any sort of series? Yuuki Yuna is A Hero takes the cake when it comes to making me cry though. I cry during Fuu's Breakdown and Karin's Mankai everytime without fail--- I rarely do cry other than when it is about fictional stuff. And even then, if there is no emotionally heavy air surrounding the thing, I most likely can hold back tears. It is rare for other people to make me cry as I opt to emotionally go numb. Smiling, again similar responses- but people can easily make me smile over a sincere smile/good wish/a non-empty praise a lot easier than cry.

At my home, in my room. I never feel as belonging as I do in wherever becomes my "room" for a few years by then. I especially feel that I belong there when in bed as well? My home with my family and I am sleeping in my room on my bed.

Lack of attention/Problems with bonding with other people emotionally/paying attention to their emotional state and discipline. I can't easily commit to anything that can not be finished within 2 days and even then, it has to be something I am interested in. Pretty stubborn. Might come off as arrogant and too confidant/self-boasting even while trying to joke around. Taking care of my body and myself in general? And I dislike almost all I counted- maybe save for 'myself'. Just today, my mother was talking with my ESFJ cousin about how I never really put on make up or did "girly things", as well as have motor skills of a toddler for most part. Pretty naive, now that I think about it. And they tend to find it "adorable" yet this is something I really don't like. Also uncertainity.

My 'intelligence' and memory. People tend to view me as a well-informed young girl if we are not butting heads about how most of the conventions are pretty stupid and makes no sense. They also tend to describe my thought process as "out there" and "weird" but not in an exactly bad way...? More in "this mode of thinking is in another level" way, which I don't really agree with... Also, probably good will. I have no ill intention towards people as far as I am aware, and this is something I really strive for? I like the fact that I actually spent even from my early years thinking about my own thinking process and how it related to others/myself and kept that compare-contrast so I now easily can see how I would understand a subject in class a lot easier than others. I still suck when it comes to emotions but eh.

I was going to say that I didn't want any help and should be able to figure things out on my own, but... Probably interpersonal relationships and how to interpret them? How to maintain them. How to actually be present in them. Humans in general are confusing.

My memories are pretty hazy about that time so....

I hate impulsive people and people who like to order others around or -even if subtly- manipulate them. As well as people with hidden agendas. I really care about honesty and thoughtful action, as well as open minded people. Close minded people makes me want to bang my head to a wall. I often get along with (will use MBTI types as I don't know their Socionics) MBTI IxxP types -not really with ISFPs though-, high Ne types and occasionally with INxJs. Also with ISFJs.

I like reading romance stuff but I am noping the fudge out of both despite being curious about them as well. I don't really get an attraction for either, so it is more of intellectual curiousity and wanting to try things at least once- But I don't want to break hearts as I quickly had to figure out that my type of love for them is different than other "dating side"s type of love. So I want nothing from a partner.

My main concern would be making sure that I know as much as I could possibly learn about child development to ensure I would at least have some base info before diving into it. My main concern would be making sure that they feel they are heard as a person and that they know that they are their own individual and not a small clone of anyone nor are they seen lesser for their age- I would also have to learn how to take care of a household as well as what to feed them etc so it would be a training from hell on my nerves. And well. If I am taking a huge responsibility such as a young life, I can not go half way with that. If I am responsible, I am going to do my best. I shall.

Inward: Even though I can see how you could come to that view from your POV THIS STILL MAKES NO SENSE AND THIS FRUSTRATES ME COME ON NOW

Outward: *depends to topic and whoever I am with and my general irritability level before that claim was ever thrown/how strong I feel about that thing etc* *Probably would go into discussing it with them though*

I see humanity as a type of somehow-harder-to-kill-than-a-cockroach parasitic virus-like creatures yet also feel fascinated by them because we are pretty damn resourceful and clever in some ways. I am both really interested in humankind and also wish someone would wipe such an unnecessary species off from planet earth before we suck all the resources it has to offer to other beings even more. And there are a lot of them, but I think one of the major ones is how toxic relationships of any kind are being normalized. With how family relations seems to be started to being even more devalued as well as no real emotional connections to parents, children grew up in a society which is obsessed with pretty much romance and sex and are taught that they are not supposed to communicate with people they are attracted to to actually establish a real communication as real people but to idolize said people as the ones to "give their pointless life suddenly a meaning" as well as "all the missing love from their life" and be pretty much "purity-sues who can never be bad" which also leads to teach that it is a "chasing other kind down in a hunter-like way" as well, which is... just no.

It depends if we are talking about actual friends or acquaintances tbh. I tend to be a part of a small circle who I call "friends" at every place I moved so far- people who tend to not really cause havoc and simply do their own things and hang out now and then- and when I choose long time friends, it is often with mutual bonding over a shared interest. And well, I act pretty cheerful in either case? Zany, mostly friendly, somewhat awkward with that "alien charm", but ultimately harmless so they don't mind the weirdness. I tend to be pretty carefree around people actually consider my friends and also might drop my cheerful face down to talk some serious matters- sometimes I look too serious while I would be zoning out/thinking and when I talk with people, I often have at least a small polite smile- So it is rare for people to see my "serious face"?

It depends really. But mostly, I am silent and polite. I try to not ruffle any feathers if they don't ruffle any first, and even then I tend to keep to myself for most part. Though, if I was in a place where I wouldn't ever see those people, I might suddenly be overly social as well? Ie I spent whole highschool being a loner attached to her phone but when we went to Lego robotics tournaments for two days, I was the only one socializing with people there and having fun from our small group. I actually met them again next year in tournaments and was pretty happy to see them again, they recognized me as well. So again, it depends to my mindset and what kind of person said stranger is.

I sacrificed my night sleep for this. There you go, @Chae