I broke things off with an ILE-Ti back in October after a short-lived 3-4 month relationfling. half a year later and I'm still trying to make sense of why he did what he did. it's probably important to note that this was an online dealio.
most of our conversations took place via voice/video call and we made loose plans to meet up in meat-space, but the idea scared me so it was put on hold until I got more comfortable with it. I was stuck in a rut at the time so I didn't really have the mind, nor the finances, to do it. we got into a few spats here and there, but, for the most part, our relationship was fun and pleasant. he was and probably still is one of my favorite people. throughout the course of our relationship, his meddling ex kept making comments about cheating on her current squeeze. with him, which he didn't acknowledge, but he didn't exactly fend them off either. after I broke up with him, he tried to convince me otherwise, but when he saw that it wasn't working, he disappeared from our (relatively large) social circle fairly quickly. a few weeks later, his ex contacted me, angry out of her mind, claiming that I was the sole reason he cut her out (but we broke up 2 weeks prior, so, if that really was the case, then why wasn't he talking to her now?) and making even bigger claims about things he said about me, to her, while we were still together. apparently this happened shortly after he cut her out, which happened about halfway through our relationship, and he blamed me for it, even though I was unaware that he did it until she told me. she claimed that he said he still loved her, that he was only with me because he couldn't get her, that she was "threatening" our relationship, then he (supposedly) threw in a few comments about me being sensitive and boring, in comparison to her, for good measure. I confronted him about this shortly before we broke things off because I had an inkling that he pissed her off somehow, woman's intuition, if you will, but he outright denied it. we reconnected a few months back, but it was weird and awkward and even more confusing than the rest of this story. I didn't get many answers, but I know he felt guilty after what happened because he kept trying to weasel his way back in so he could explain himself, first he went from blaming our mutual friend, to blaming her, then, finally, to blaming me. there was talk of us getting back together, from his side, but it just... I was still too confused.
so, what I'm wondering is, did he ever really give a shit? he claimed to love me, but, I mean... why would he invest so much time in me if that was how he truly felt? I get that ILEs will sometimes use emotion as a means to an end, but... what? I don't recall him ever insulting her to me, not that I wanted that, but the contrast still kinda breaks me heart. he seemed blind to her flaws. I'm not insinuating that socionics accounts for every facet of an individual's personality, but everything I've read about ILEs in relationships mentions how they're oblivious to their partner's flaws, but I never got that impression from him. I often wondered if he had anything nice to say about me at all, aside from, "cute" and "goofy." not that he was particularly mean, but I never felt that he saw much potential in me, as an individual. when it came to our relationship, he made a lot of grand gestures. can anyone provide me with an explanation, even if it's just from a guy's pov, for why he did what he did? I considered him one of my best friends. :(
most of our conversations took place via voice/video call and we made loose plans to meet up in meat-space, but the idea scared me so it was put on hold until I got more comfortable with it. I was stuck in a rut at the time so I didn't really have the mind, nor the finances, to do it. we got into a few spats here and there, but, for the most part, our relationship was fun and pleasant. he was and probably still is one of my favorite people. throughout the course of our relationship, his meddling ex kept making comments about cheating on her current squeeze. with him, which he didn't acknowledge, but he didn't exactly fend them off either. after I broke up with him, he tried to convince me otherwise, but when he saw that it wasn't working, he disappeared from our (relatively large) social circle fairly quickly. a few weeks later, his ex contacted me, angry out of her mind, claiming that I was the sole reason he cut her out (but we broke up 2 weeks prior, so, if that really was the case, then why wasn't he talking to her now?) and making even bigger claims about things he said about me, to her, while we were still together. apparently this happened shortly after he cut her out, which happened about halfway through our relationship, and he blamed me for it, even though I was unaware that he did it until she told me. she claimed that he said he still loved her, that he was only with me because he couldn't get her, that she was "threatening" our relationship, then he (supposedly) threw in a few comments about me being sensitive and boring, in comparison to her, for good measure. I confronted him about this shortly before we broke things off because I had an inkling that he pissed her off somehow, woman's intuition, if you will, but he outright denied it. we reconnected a few months back, but it was weird and awkward and even more confusing than the rest of this story. I didn't get many answers, but I know he felt guilty after what happened because he kept trying to weasel his way back in so he could explain himself, first he went from blaming our mutual friend, to blaming her, then, finally, to blaming me. there was talk of us getting back together, from his side, but it just... I was still too confused.
so, what I'm wondering is, did he ever really give a shit? he claimed to love me, but, I mean... why would he invest so much time in me if that was how he truly felt? I get that ILEs will sometimes use emotion as a means to an end, but... what? I don't recall him ever insulting her to me, not that I wanted that, but the contrast still kinda breaks me heart. he seemed blind to her flaws. I'm not insinuating that socionics accounts for every facet of an individual's personality, but everything I've read about ILEs in relationships mentions how they're oblivious to their partner's flaws, but I never got that impression from him. I often wondered if he had anything nice to say about me at all, aside from, "cute" and "goofy." not that he was particularly mean, but I never felt that he saw much potential in me, as an individual. when it came to our relationship, he made a lot of grand gestures. can anyone provide me with an explanation, even if it's just from a guy's pov, for why he did what he did? I considered him one of my best friends. :(