Hey guys... So I'm finally admitting today (after a long, long period of denial) that I've been in a serious relationship with my conflictor.
I never felt like we were on the same page about anything and it was exhausting having to always explain my motives behind literally everything. He wanted to talk about things I never wanted to talk about and vice versa etc. He would get upset at me being me and I would try to play it off like it never bothered me but it did blah blah blah
Anyways I'd like to make it into a topic
Okie so.. wondering about anyone's experiences spending extended amounts of time with their conflictors?
I always felt like my brain was being slightly shut off... like because I was confused and couldn't do anything the way I normally could I just was sort of frozen in time. I knew I wasn't being myself but I also couldn't generate anything to say around him bc I was getting no external information. We had a lot of silence. Everything was about him and he basically was comfortable not knowing anything about me. He always got angry because he felt like I should have just volunteered information, but I need to know people actually want to get to know me. I'm not going to talk about anything unless I think you want to hear it, that's a principle I stand by for myself.
I don't want to vent so much, though. I'd rather hear about other people's experiences.
Also... my parents are Betas. Does anyone find if they had problems with a parent that they seek out partners of that same type or type with the same values?
This is basic psych101 but it's interesting to consider how type comes into the mix.
This is probably already in a thread but I'm too lazy to look it up :p
In addition, I would also like to add the benefits of dating your conflictor (and I would like to hear others on this as well):
-You can see your worst self (and grow rapidly from it)
-You develop an extremely strong center through the friction and turmoil
-You get strong/you realize nobody can hurt you anymore
-You try harder to empathize with things you wouldn't normally want to
So, in short, you build tons of character from being with your conflictor. I don't regret a single thing.
I'm going away to a different area from where I live for the summer, so hopefully that will give us space and time to heal/move on from each other bc we were pretty horrible to one another despite having a strong bond between us. It was too rocky to ever build trust.
I never felt like we were on the same page about anything and it was exhausting having to always explain my motives behind literally everything. He wanted to talk about things I never wanted to talk about and vice versa etc. He would get upset at me being me and I would try to play it off like it never bothered me but it did blah blah blah
Anyways I'd like to make it into a topic
Okie so.. wondering about anyone's experiences spending extended amounts of time with their conflictors?
I always felt like my brain was being slightly shut off... like because I was confused and couldn't do anything the way I normally could I just was sort of frozen in time. I knew I wasn't being myself but I also couldn't generate anything to say around him bc I was getting no external information. We had a lot of silence. Everything was about him and he basically was comfortable not knowing anything about me. He always got angry because he felt like I should have just volunteered information, but I need to know people actually want to get to know me. I'm not going to talk about anything unless I think you want to hear it, that's a principle I stand by for myself.
I don't want to vent so much, though. I'd rather hear about other people's experiences.
Also... my parents are Betas. Does anyone find if they had problems with a parent that they seek out partners of that same type or type with the same values?
This is basic psych101 but it's interesting to consider how type comes into the mix.
This is probably already in a thread but I'm too lazy to look it up :p
In addition, I would also like to add the benefits of dating your conflictor (and I would like to hear others on this as well):
-You can see your worst self (and grow rapidly from it)
-You develop an extremely strong center through the friction and turmoil
-You get strong/you realize nobody can hurt you anymore
-You try harder to empathize with things you wouldn't normally want to
So, in short, you build tons of character from being with your conflictor. I don't regret a single thing.
I'm going away to a different area from where I live for the summer, so hopefully that will give us space and time to heal/move on from each other bc we were pretty horrible to one another despite having a strong bond between us. It was too rocky to ever build trust.