I spent Eastern Monday at my gf's house. There were a lot of family members. Grandparents,uncles, cousins. It's a very loud family generally and they kind of make me uncomfortable. I felt very embarassed 2 times:
1) While I was trying to listen to a conversation between some family members without success, the uncle (he was at the other side of the table) suddenly shouted to me "ARE YOU DEAF?!". When I asked the reason, he said he was calling my name since a long time, but I wasn't answering. I realised I was so focused on trying to partecipate to the other conversation that I removed myself from the rest of the room;
2) At a certain point everything got SERIOUSLY loud. They were all screaming, laughing, and talking about old shared experiences (I was the only oursider) from long ago about of which I couldn't talk about. And it was hard to focus also because it doesn't really interest me to know where people have been on holiday, what they've done etc... of other stuff I already knew about, but I don't understand why they keep repeating it. Well, but the point is: there was too much noise and I was extremely uncomfortable, and I wasn't able to concentrate on what they were saying. So I decided to stare at the tv, hoping to appear as a normal person watching tv, so that they wouldn't talk directly to me. In the meantime I was thinking about the situation, asking myself when the hell would have come to an end.
After a while I suddenly heared my gf scream "HEY, DO YOU KNOW THAT I AM TALKING TO YOU SINCE 3 HOURS?!". I was like "Uhm, sorry I didn't realise. I was watching tv". She said something like "Fuck you" and everybody laughed. She kind of was in the direction of the tv, and since I don't really make eye contact a lot when I'm talking with people, she thought i was listening.
The same situation happens often when I'm with her. She's angry because she says she always has to catch my attention, otherwise I won't listen. She also said that it appears like I'm thinking about the nothingness in those moments. It actually offended me, since I'm pretty proud of my interior world, which I consider very rich.
The day after we discussed pretty heavily, and she said that external people probably think I don't care about them because my way of being. I was angry because I didn't feel accepted, but I felt wrong too. I seriously don't know how to change this. It has always been a problem to me. I even considered going to something like an occupational therapist(?) or a doctor, lol. I want to be normal. What should I do?
1) While I was trying to listen to a conversation between some family members without success, the uncle (he was at the other side of the table) suddenly shouted to me "ARE YOU DEAF?!". When I asked the reason, he said he was calling my name since a long time, but I wasn't answering. I realised I was so focused on trying to partecipate to the other conversation that I removed myself from the rest of the room;
2) At a certain point everything got SERIOUSLY loud. They were all screaming, laughing, and talking about old shared experiences (I was the only oursider) from long ago about of which I couldn't talk about. And it was hard to focus also because it doesn't really interest me to know where people have been on holiday, what they've done etc... of other stuff I already knew about, but I don't understand why they keep repeating it. Well, but the point is: there was too much noise and I was extremely uncomfortable, and I wasn't able to concentrate on what they were saying. So I decided to stare at the tv, hoping to appear as a normal person watching tv, so that they wouldn't talk directly to me. In the meantime I was thinking about the situation, asking myself when the hell would have come to an end.
After a while I suddenly heared my gf scream "HEY, DO YOU KNOW THAT I AM TALKING TO YOU SINCE 3 HOURS?!". I was like "Uhm, sorry I didn't realise. I was watching tv". She said something like "Fuck you" and everybody laughed. She kind of was in the direction of the tv, and since I don't really make eye contact a lot when I'm talking with people, she thought i was listening.
The same situation happens often when I'm with her. She's angry because she says she always has to catch my attention, otherwise I won't listen. She also said that it appears like I'm thinking about the nothingness in those moments. It actually offended me, since I'm pretty proud of my interior world, which I consider very rich.
The day after we discussed pretty heavily, and she said that external people probably think I don't care about them because my way of being. I was angry because I didn't feel accepted, but I felt wrong too. I seriously don't know how to change this. It has always been a problem to me. I even considered going to something like an occupational therapist(?) or a doctor, lol. I want to be normal. What should I do?