Member Questionnaire (MrsTortilla)

Beauty is whatever delights you, visually or physically, especially visually. Usually has an aesthetic component but sometimes can be felt in the particular greatness of a situation, too. Love is caring deeply; it's usually mingled with feelings of attachment and can be heightened in a romantic way by desire.

Being a decent person to others, doing right by the children or pets you're raising, loyalty to vows or promises you have made.

I was raised in a semi-cult as a Jehovah's Witness and now I hold zero religious beliefs though I'm technically Catholic. Even as a little girl I found it very hard to feel "spiritual" in any way. I kind of want to believe in something greater because it seems nice to have that comfort, but I just don't feel it.

War and militaries: sadly necessary in some situations. Power is the ability to do what most people can't do and to do it with impunity, as well as to treat people badly if you want to, and while I do like the idea of success and having enough money that you don't have to worry about money, power as a goal or as a quality doesn't interest me. It kind of disgusts me in some ways. But if by power you just mean "strength," it can be really interesting.

I've had long talks with people about family histories, personal troubles, bands we both like/love, stuff I/we want to do in the future like travel and what kind of ideal home and property would be cool to have.

I like the outdoors, travel, cooking, food/eating out, drawing, playing, writing and listening to music, sewing. I like to make stuff and I really enjoy the feeling of leaving in a car on a road trip or going on a trip far away. All of the things I like to do involve feeling good or creating something (usually practical like making my niece a dress) but often also just for the fun of doing it, like drawing some artwork or learning a song on the piano. I'm interested in new technologies, but I don't delve too deeply I guess. I just like finding out about that kind of thing. I really like learning about history.

Hmm. I think health can get extremely boring as a conversation topic but medicine can be interesting for sure, especially new discoveries or treatments, or say, a book about the history of cancers or the genome or something similar. I would say I'm definitely in touch with my body and how I feel physically, and notice immediately when things are off.

Does anyone like daily chores? I think they're necessary. I feel really good when they're done. I feel overwhelmed sometimes by the volume (I have kids and a husband that don't help too much around the house) but I'm really good at them, too. Once I worked for a short time cleaning houses and I would actually get excited before a cleaning job because I like the feeling of transforming a wreck to something very very nice, and I think I was looking forward to pleasing the householder. Cleaning can be slightly therapeutic. When things are a disaster then I can't think straight or focus.

I love PG Wodehouse (especially the Jeeves/Wooster books but other series are good too), I love travel books by Paul Theroux, really enjoy some of Jane Austen's stuff, I also liked Little Women as a girl. I think Steven Pinker is really interesting and a good writer. I like Tolkien quite a bit but don't get into it as deeply as some people. I hated Jane Eyre and thought the character was kind of weak and pathetic and the writing was incredibly overly flowery. Steven King can be good but I don't like the spookier books (actually my brother just recommends ones he thinks aren't too scary). I loved Beatrix Potter as a small child.

My favorite movie is probably Amelie but I'm a little bit of a francophile. Love the Godfather (1 & 2). Love the Planet Earth series. I really enjoy clever comedy. I can get into some sci-fi and some fantasy, depending on what it is.

Honestly there is so much more I just can't think of right now.

Throughout my life, I mostly would cry at American Tail, when Fievel is separated from his parents on the boat to America. Yes, it's true. As a mom I have now found myself crying at movies about pets traveling long distances to get home or kids being reunited with their parents after being apart. I also cry when extremely sad or frustrated (maybe after a bad argument - getting into a conflict with somebody can make me cry) but I try to cry alone if at all possible. I tend to hold it in possibly longer than I should. I also have cried when bosses have reprimanded me in their offices in private (I have tried everything not to do this but it just comes out).

I feel at close to nature and a very few people, but most of my life I have felt I don't belong - especially in groups. I tend to seek out a feeling of belonging and then something will happen where I realize I still don't belong and I want to get away from there. When I'm outdoors I feel the sense of belonging I miss with groups of people. A sunrise while I'm walking my dog, a mountain view, a beautiful tree, an interesting farm full of horses and cool architecture - that's where I feel I belong. Weirdly I can sometimes feel connected in a busy city even when I don't know anyone there (especially when I dress up to go out to a ballet or concert or something). There's a side to me that's kind of country/nature and a side to me that's a little bit sophisticated and metropolitan.

I think people have seen me sometimes as too negative, because I notice things that are out of place physically and in situations. I don't like that I have a history of staying in relationships that are not good for me because I don't want to hurt the other person and I don't want to be the one to do the breaking up. I can be too stubborn.

I've always been seen as talented in music and art and cooking/baking and stuff like that. I like that I'm good at making things and figuring practical things out and putting stylish clothes together and that I am adventurous. It means a lot when my mom tells me she thinks I'm a really good mother to my kids. I like my figure. Some people think I'm too serious and some people think I'm witty. I excelled at gymnastics and ballet and roller/ice skating growing up.

I'd like someone to help me with house chores because though I'm good at them there are too many for me and I want more time to play piano and learn other instruments and write songs as well as do many other things.

My husband thinks I can be short-sighted. It would be nice to have someone remind me that everything is okay and going to be okay, and why, at times.

Yes. There's so much to do on a daily basis and I feel bound to it, I feel like practical responsibilities are important and it's easy to get depressed when you lose sight of doing things that make you feel good and spend all your time with busy responsibilities, day after day. I am torn between wanting to do what is necessary and wanting to feel free.

I don't like it when people drop hints or insinuate all the time, I like when they directly communicate. I hate it when someone asks me a question and then they do not listen to a word of my response (my ESFj mother-in-law), just nodding and pretending to care. I dislike over-sanctimoniousness and the pretentiousness of people who consider themselves exceptionally "deep." I get annoyed by daydreaming in people who have no intention to enact anything. To clarify, daydreaming in itself is fine but it's frustrating when people don't want to make anything happen. The person I best got along with ever was an ENTj female friend. It's nice when I can be around people I don't have to walk on eggshells for. I really value decency and generosity in other people (my LSE dad comes to mind as someone I really admire in that respect).

Romance is pretty important but sex is more important. I am attracted to someone with a backbone, who is a doer. I am very attractive to a creative and smart person. I need a really good sense of humor in a mate. It's also nice if someone cares about hygiene and likes to dress well but if they have a hard time with that it's fun for me to pick out clothes for them, too. I'm into someone who likes to do things, to travel, to accomplish things.

As it happens I am raising two little boys. Main concerns are that their home environment is pleasant, clean, and safe, that they are happy but not spoiled, and that they are exposed to things as they grow up that are good: good music, good food, good memories, good experiences. That said, again I don't want to spoil them so it's important for them to understand the hard things about life as well. I want them to know that they have many options and opportunities available to them but that everything they want will also take work. And also not everybody wins, but it's important to be a good sport. I don't want them to feel tied to a religion because though it might offer some people some comfort, I have seen its dark side.

I might feel a little bit annoyed internally. I would ask them why they feel that way, try to get them to explain it in a way that makes sense. If it doesn't I will try to politely make a case for my point of view or why they are wrong without using those words "you are wrong." I am trying more and more to just let people have their beliefs and keep my mouth shut in a lot of situations, choose my moments better. I don't want to be a know-it-all, and I don't want people to feel I'm intolerant of differing views. But I have been known to argue. My LSE dad has always called me confrontational, but he can't stand argument.. As I get older, I just care less about what other people think than I used to, but if my friend's claim is really detrimental to them in some way I'd feel like I really needed to help disavow them of the wrong belief.

People are basically well meaning but a lot of them are really dumb. Society is complex and fixing societal problems an insanely difficult task. I cannot begin to imagine the correct solutions to fix the problems of the world. Humans were not evolved to attack social problems at the levels they exist in the way we are connected en masse today. Some huge social problems are obviously poverty and hunger. I also see depression (psychiatric) as a massive human problem. Also addiction.

I make friends pretty infrequently and slowly. It's not that I don't want more friends, but I rarely meet people I really want to be friends with. I've had a lot of close friends move away, and I've lost a lot of friends as well (after leaving the Jehovah's Witness organization when I was 20). If someone clicks with me I will be really friendly and engage in conversations and seek them out to do activities and stuff with me. If I get rejected I might try to connect once or twice more and then let it go. Around friends it depends on the friend. When around a group I can be invisible or I can be really talkative, all depends on people's types and the group dynamic I think.

I have been told that I give people mean looks. But really I think I'm polite and nice to strangers. I try to make other people comfortable in an awkward situation. If someone says something rude to me, though, I will defend myself with a sharp word or two.