Hi, so my name's Matthew, Kontrastjin is my social projection (I'd like to be referred to by that name). I suppose I'm introducing myself to the forum, I believe this is what I'm supposed to do as my first act here? I've not really participated in a forum before, but I decided to stop lurking around this place and join because particularly today I'm a dejected with my acceptance of being an IEI-Fe 4w3 sp/so type and its relation to place in life.
Its not that I necessarily think I'm smart, but I really enjoy learning and I think that learning how the universe works and then creatively finding applications of that information to advance human capability is the coolest shit ever. That may sound vague, and it is, because I was in college for nearly double time I should have been; I never really mastered the whole "do what you need to do to get where you want to go, go back and learn extra interesting shit on your resources without a grade." I took courses from intro to mechanical engineering up to applied quantum mechanics, I jumped around and had alot of setbacks, and in the last semester I dropped out. I failed a course and had too much debt to re-enroll. I've ADHD-Pi since the 2nd grade, I don't know if that's even "real", but I know my unmedicated periods were far more unproductive and disappointing than the contrary.
The point is now I'm at home trying to make money to go back and finish the last class and at the same time refine all the knowledge and skills I supposedly learned (because I feel them slipping away everyday or doubt how well I learned some of them at all). My end goal used to be get a PhD or go into national lab research, but now I just don't see how I would ever practically sell myself to acquire any STEM field position. I'm a slow learner, easily distracted, emotional, semi-reliable, overly animated, super fastidious, and I hate obfuscating the truth in all forms.
My favorite quote is from Gandhi, but my hero is Galileo, and I'm just confused between if I should continue meandering about with what I think is the "coolest shit ever" or if I should make things easier for everyone and take on something I may be more naturally gifted at achieving. I'm also black, which shouldn't mean anything, but it does because black people are labeled as emotional, entitled, and ill-suited for high-level thinking prospects all the time seemingly everywhere. I can't tell you how many things I've punched, kicked, broken, or destroyed while considering my repeated failures to "my people" and general humanity.
When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut, then I met God in HS and I realized how cool would it be if we could harness the power and forces of the universe today so that tomorrow everyone around the world could potentially be astronauts (and technically everyone does have the opportunity to do that now, but simple provisions like water, food, shelter, education, and especially energy to procure all of the other things would really go a long way). Ultimately, I know I was put here to help people tho and I know there are other things I could do outside physics.
So after all that, which I kind of feel bad about subjecting ya'll to, I just want to know what are some tips for IEI-Fe 4w3 sp/so types to live happy fulfilled lives? That and again "Hi," I hope this is not incorrect practice for an Intro.
P.S. I hope I don't come across (and I apologize if I do) self-righteous, I dislike when people do that, I'm impulsive, emotionally-indulgent, shamelessly kinky.
Likes:
• Legos, design, math, engineering, handwriting, detailed organization
• Mobile Suit Gundam Universal Century, Star Wars, Avatar the Last Airbender, Calvin & Hobbes, School Rumble, Planetes, Welcome to the N.H.K.
• Strong confident logical women, adventure, sublime nature and outer space
• Cooperation & camaraderie amongst unique individuals, soccer
• Language, vocabulary, irony (sarcasm is cool, but I usually miss it), riddles, history
Dislikes:
• Obfuscation of truth, scapegoating, unwritten rules, stigmas, mental health issues
• Absolute unwillingness to forgive, pettiness taken too seriously, conflicts over miscommunication
• Ditziness, elitism, small talk, self-destruction, self-deprecation, when I owe someone
Its not that I necessarily think I'm smart, but I really enjoy learning and I think that learning how the universe works and then creatively finding applications of that information to advance human capability is the coolest shit ever. That may sound vague, and it is, because I was in college for nearly double time I should have been; I never really mastered the whole "do what you need to do to get where you want to go, go back and learn extra interesting shit on your resources without a grade." I took courses from intro to mechanical engineering up to applied quantum mechanics, I jumped around and had alot of setbacks, and in the last semester I dropped out. I failed a course and had too much debt to re-enroll. I've ADHD-Pi since the 2nd grade, I don't know if that's even "real", but I know my unmedicated periods were far more unproductive and disappointing than the contrary.
The point is now I'm at home trying to make money to go back and finish the last class and at the same time refine all the knowledge and skills I supposedly learned (because I feel them slipping away everyday or doubt how well I learned some of them at all). My end goal used to be get a PhD or go into national lab research, but now I just don't see how I would ever practically sell myself to acquire any STEM field position. I'm a slow learner, easily distracted, emotional, semi-reliable, overly animated, super fastidious, and I hate obfuscating the truth in all forms.
My favorite quote is from Gandhi, but my hero is Galileo, and I'm just confused between if I should continue meandering about with what I think is the "coolest shit ever" or if I should make things easier for everyone and take on something I may be more naturally gifted at achieving. I'm also black, which shouldn't mean anything, but it does because black people are labeled as emotional, entitled, and ill-suited for high-level thinking prospects all the time seemingly everywhere. I can't tell you how many things I've punched, kicked, broken, or destroyed while considering my repeated failures to "my people" and general humanity.
When I was a kid I wanted to be an astronaut, then I met God in HS and I realized how cool would it be if we could harness the power and forces of the universe today so that tomorrow everyone around the world could potentially be astronauts (and technically everyone does have the opportunity to do that now, but simple provisions like water, food, shelter, education, and especially energy to procure all of the other things would really go a long way). Ultimately, I know I was put here to help people tho and I know there are other things I could do outside physics.
So after all that, which I kind of feel bad about subjecting ya'll to, I just want to know what are some tips for IEI-Fe 4w3 sp/so types to live happy fulfilled lives? That and again "Hi," I hope this is not incorrect practice for an Intro.
P.S. I hope I don't come across (and I apologize if I do) self-righteous, I dislike when people do that, I'm impulsive, emotionally-indulgent, shamelessly kinky.
Likes:
• Legos, design, math, engineering, handwriting, detailed organization
• Mobile Suit Gundam Universal Century, Star Wars, Avatar the Last Airbender, Calvin & Hobbes, School Rumble, Planetes, Welcome to the N.H.K.
• Strong confident logical women, adventure, sublime nature and outer space
• Cooperation & camaraderie amongst unique individuals, soccer
• Language, vocabulary, irony (sarcasm is cool, but I usually miss it), riddles, history
Dislikes:
• Obfuscation of truth, scapegoating, unwritten rules, stigmas, mental health issues
• Absolute unwillingness to forgive, pettiness taken too seriously, conflicts over miscommunication
• Ditziness, elitism, small talk, self-destruction, self-deprecation, when I owe someone